It’s so much fun to be in love. It makes you think bigger about yourself and what’s ahead of you.
Even in the midst of all the activity – even though making so many planning decisions day after day – ones you never expected to have to make – can be exhausting – it’s still fun. You know you’re headed to your wedding day and a life of discovery, adventure, ups and downs and who knows what else?
The mystery is part of it. Only a mystery with someone you love and loves you. And helps you Think Big!
But there’s another part of ourself that can show up after a while. It’s almost guaranteed that it will show up even though you may be one of the many many many couples who believes you’re different from everyone else.
That’s where Commandment #7 comes in.
Let me set the possibilities up
See if you can relate.
You may be a super cautious person. And why would that be? Because you’ve been disappointed before? You’ve tried to do something different in your life whether it’s a sport you flopped at, a task you did to surprise someone with and it backfired? You had an idea you thought was awesome and someone you cared about dismissed it, maybe even made fun of it?
These things happen in life and getting a bit of thick skin that doesn’t depend on someone else’s approval is necessary. Letting things bounce off of us is one of the steps we eventually make if we’re going to tap into a greater potential within ourself and live from here. To help each other think big, not small or insignificantly.
I remember when I visited my home neighborhood 20 years after I’d moved out. I stopped in to see one of the now elderly couples who lived down the street. During our conversation she let out the bomb statement, “It’s good to see you’ve made something of yourself. I didn’t think you’d come to much.”
Wow. Really? I’m glad she wasn’t my mother!
This memory came back to me as I sat down to write my thoughts for this commandment. The thing is often times these kinds of attitudes get buried. We don’t even know we’re picking up discouragement and doubt from others, when in fact, we are. Especially as kids, we soak up attitudes and beliefs.
In the Early Days, We’re at Our Best
When you get married, tell me if I’m wrong: You believe you’ve met someone who sees the best in you, believes in you and wants you to rock whatever you take on. It’s a relief!
Yet over time the unconscious beliefs we have about ourself may come out and we start responding in old ways. We may back off trying something new, saying or doing something different that the norm, because of the overt and covert attitudes we were around that discouraged us or didn’t believe in us.
Old “Stuff” Shows Up
So Commandment #7 is designed to keep you both moving forward. Because old stuff comes up. It just will. It may take your unaware and you’ll wonder where the person you married went to.
But this often happens because our partner has been triggered to believe something impressed on themselves in the past that isn’t true.
So Commandment #7 (on our way to 10) is you have to help each other get back to thinking in possibilities. To think big. I heard the Kardashian Mom – is that Kim (I don’t keep up with them say the other day). CORRECTION that’s Kris Jenner. “If you want to do something and someone tells you no, you’re talking to the wrong person.”
Commandment #7 is about helping your partner keep finding in themself.
NO Matter WHAT
You must believe in each other NO MATTER WHAT.
Can you do that? If the person you’re married to starts to act weird, can you still believe in their grander self?
Does that mean you put up with abuse? NO NO NO. But you have to separate any sarcasm, negativity or bad behavior from that person’s true self.
When you interact with someone who isn’t believing in him or herself you have to know you’re interacting with their SMALL self, not their BIG self.
Help each other think Big and ask questions, take no prisoners
Ask your person – when they may be feeling small or like they can’t do something –
- Where is that doubt coming from?
- Is it really true that you can’t do it? I believe you can.
- Then ask again, is it REALLY true?
- Has no one else ever faced the same obstacles you have and not gotten where they wanted to be?
You need each other to continue to be each other’s biggest fans.
And that’s Commandment #7. Contact me for a no obligation consultation if you have any comments or questions.
Want the read Commandment #1? Click here: Commandment #1: You Must Keep Dating