Commandment #3 –Your marriage relationship is yours alone.
Together. It’s no one else’s.
Symbolism Contained in the Sand
One of the reasons I still love the Sand Ceremony is its symbolism. It’s not only the meaning of the grains of sand representing all the experiences, events, lessons and breakthroughs you’ve had in your life. What also strikes me about the Sand Ceremony is the uniqueness of the pattern that’s created when the two colors of sand blend.
I don’t know what other officiants say when they lead this ceremony, but I always emphasize how there’s no other combination like the one created by the two people standing before me.
To you I say, because no one else will live your life, reap the benefits of your choices as a couple nor suffer the consequences. It’s yours alone.
Your relationship belongs to you
If it’s clear you want to have children, you’ll have to endure thousands of questions about when the first little one will come.
You’ll have to negotiate endless holidays, birthdays and celebrations between both families.
When you’re renting your home, there will be many times you’ll be asked about buying your own home. “It means you’ve become a ‘real’ adult” some may even tell you.
Deciding whether to ask for money, loan money, invest or spend money – all these decisions are part of what makes your relationship unique.
Because you don’t have to be a wife and husband the way anyone else was. EVEN if you have great role models for parents, you NEVER know all the details of their relationship. You don’t KNOW what has gone on behind closed doors.
The Mind and Heart Together
But you can know what your mind, led by your heart, tells you to do. What direction to go in.
You have to listen and make yourself stop before you make decisions and ask yourselves, “Is this what’s right for us?”
When it’s YOUR relationship, this may mean you don’t go anywhere for Christmas this year.
Or you wait 5 years before you have children. Or you may adopt.
Renting may seem like the wiser decision for you and your partner.
The wife may have a male best friend. Mr. Husband may have a female best friend. Dogs may be your best friends.
One partner may be the high earner and the other not. If you’re in an opposite sex marriage, that could be woman=high earner and the man not so much.
Be prepared for those “when you gonna throw the bum out” remarks.
And letting your brother live at your house for 2 weeks and 2 weeks only may be the perfect decision for you.
Sweeping Purple Curves and Big Blobs
These are some of the issues and decision you make that will color your lives. Some days your choices will look like the sweeping purple curves of the sand in the middle of your Sand Ceremony vase. Other weeks you’ll feel like the blob of sand at the top.
But at the bottom, at the core of who you are as a couple, who you’re going to be together has mixed up all these amazing influences you’ve had over the years. The ones before you met, as you got to know each other and in all your tomorrows.
As long as you evaluate whatever advice comes your way, whatever movie you see, book you read and podcast you listen to by the marker, “Is this right for our relationship” and don’t settle for less, you’ll be ahead of the crowd.
Why would you look for all those years to find the person right for you and then try to fit yourself into a mold another couple made for their own marriage relationship?
That’s kinda silly, right?
You Are Unique From Start to Finish
Remember – you are unique. Your reason for being together in your marriage relationship will continue to be created, to unfold, to reveal itself to you. Just as the big lakes slap their watery hands on the back of a sandy beach, the days and hours of your lives together can try to wear you down.
But no. You two are your own persons. So is the relationship you create together.
Revel in your uniqueness!
If I can help you have the kind of wedding ceremony that emphasizes your uniqueness, please fill out our nifty unique (LOL) Contact Us Form.