Gay Love, Gay Weddings

Gay love wins the right to become a legal marriage

Gay Love Appears

Truly accepting gay love was a process for me. It was an idea that hadn’t been touched by experience.

As a hippie, I debated legalizing pot, supported free love as often as I could. I was unaware that the closer I put the stereo speakers to my ears when Janice Joplin or Jimi Hendrix albums played, the less I could hear when I was older. I demonstrated against the war in Vietnam, joined the 1969 March on Washington. I was politically correct and I was politically upset. When I decided to learn how to shoot a gun in case there was a revolution, I knew I was getting in over my head. My own behavior was shocking as I recovered from the kickback of the rifle on my shoulder, imagined blood of a stranger spilling in front of me, caused by me.

The Kiss that Shocked

But it was a kiss that shocked me the most. I’d invited a friend who was a gay rights activist to come talk with my boyfriend while I visited a man I was openly cheating with. My boyfriend needed someone to “process” his feelings with. I was not willing to reign back our agreed upon “openness” in order to protect his feelings.  When I returned from my visit, my boyfriend and our friend turned to one another and exchanged a smoldering kiss.

Ideologically, I supported an emerging awareness that gay and lesbian people were no different from anyone else. But when it came to my boyfriend kissing a man in front of me, it was so different from talking about love between two men to witnessing that kiss. The event single-handedly forced me to move from ideology to reality. It took a while.

From Shock to Being Honored

Over time, I was with more and more wonderful people who loved others of their same gender. Because I believed to my core in equality, I worked my way through shock into acceptance. More than anything I changed from being shocked about gay love to respecting gay love. Why?? Because I came to know gay people rather than guess about gay people.

Now, thanks to the 2015 Supreme Court ruling legalizing same sex marriage, I have the honor of marrying some of the most wonderful, kind, and brave LGBT people. At their wedding, I am not shocked by the kiss that seals their vows. I respect their love and am grateful for their mutual affection.

The Blessing of Experience

But everyone has not had the same experiences of LGBT couples that I do. Maybe their family or religion has taught them gay love means their relationships are sick or kinky. (Which, by the way, couldn’t be further from the truth, anymore than all heterosexual relationships are “acceptable”). Or they don’t value openness and non-judgment. Yet most people know someone who is gay, no matter what their values. The likelihood that a majority of us will have the opportunity to attend a LGBTQ wedding in the future is high.

Advice for a Gay Wedding

When I saw the Key and Peele Comedy Central episode, Advice for a Gay Wedding. I realized it might be helpful to provide tips for people who are truly unfamiliar with what to expect or how to act at a same sex wedding.

Next week I will post tips that may be helpful to a newbie to same sex weddings. I hope none of the ideas are a no-brainer for you. We waste way too much time judging others. But for those new to gay love and LGBTQ weddings, these ideas may be helpful. Love is beautiful and knows no gender, age, education or religion. I hope this Australian video called Hold Tight touches YOU about Gay Love.

Plus, I guarantee, what I’ll share next week – will not be shocking.