Commandment #5 Relationship Contest

Relationship contest

 Create A Unique Relationship Contest So everyone loves to win a contest. This week’s Commandment #5 is Thou shalt create a unique relationship contest. The #5 Commandment as a contest is simple: See who can surprise the other with unexpected gifts the most. You and yours get to compete day after day after day for the fun of it! Showing up for this contest can make your marriage 100’s of times more alive and supportive. When I was in school, a mentor who was easily 25 years older than his wife told me about the relationship contest he and his… Read More »


Relationship Commandment #10!

Relationship Partnership

Your Relationship Partnership Developing a relationship partnership is Commandment #10. Expand your understanding of what a relationship and your partnership in marriage is. This video by Dhar Mann on Facebook says it all. This marks the end of the 10-part series on relationships I’ve been doing weekly. To see the other nine commandments, go to the Blog Link above, or click here. Please leave a comment below what your favorite relationship commandment is.  Love is why we’re here. To learn and grow and enjoy. This happens when we’re in a relationship partnership between equals, not one better than the other.… Read More »


What’s Your Name Mean? #9

Name games on the road

Listen to the blog: Relationship Commandment #9 —  Let Your Name Signify Your Goals How many of you traveled with your family as a kid? If you did your parents probably came quipped with name games or word games to keep you and your siblings and fur babies (hahaha) occupied between launch pad and destination. My folks and I loved name games. I vaguely remember a game about the last letter in a word meant you had to find a word that started with that letter. Matrix was a bingo, yahoo I win word most of the time. (I still… Read More »


Practice Kissing #8

Kissing the tulip

I love leading wedding rehearsals. One reason is I always encourage the couple to practice their first kiss as a married couple. Having them practice kissing can help them relax – even conservative couples. After all, every one of us at the rehearsal knows they’ve done it a million times already. So let’s do it officially for the I DO! Personal History and Maybe some TMI As a total aside, when I was a teenager, I used to call myself a kissing addict because that’s what I wanted to do with my boyfriends all the time. Nothing else, honestly, just… Read More »


Married Couples: Think Big! #7

It’s so much fun to be in love. It makes you think bigger about yourself and what’s ahead of you. Even in the midst of all the activity – even though making so many planning decisions day after day – ones you never expected to have to make – can be exhausting – it’s still fun. You know you’re headed to your wedding day and a life of discovery, adventure, ups and downs and who knows what else? The mystery is part of it. Only a mystery with someone you love and loves you. And helps you Think Big! But there’s… Read More »


The Disguises of conditional love #6

See right not set right graphic in aqua blue

Who in the world would prefer conditional love over unconditional love? Yet most of us live by conditional love and think what we’re experiencing is unconditional love. Do you know what the definition of conditional love is? Care to take a poke at it? It’s giving approval and support to someone in exchange for prescribed behavior. In other words, if you say, do or act the way I want you to, I’ll love you. Here’s how you may have experienced conditional love growing up: “You’ve made me very upset.” “You make me so happy.” “When you do ______ you make me… Read More »


Commandment #4 — Do A Weekly Relationship Check In

relationship check in -- toe to toe

Most couples get married as they’re building their career. The kids are little. Bodies are changing. So you can get into a habit of passing each other by and not REALLY know what’s going on with each other. So Commandment  #4 is about setting up a weekly relationship check in with each other. Somewhat like dating, this is a time together that you guard with your life. It could be a ½ hour time period before you go to bed on a Friday night. Or over coffee on Sunday morning. There’s 4 questions to ask of each other What was the… Read More »


5000 Big and Small Weddings

Rev Judy ready to do small weddings

Lately I’ve been thinking about some of the over 5,000 big and small weddings either  my husband, Ken, or I officiated during the nine years we lived on Maui. (October, 1991 to March, 2000) Yes, we have stories about the gorgeous, unusual sites to the most interesting things that happened. Friends suggest we should write a book. Maybe some day. The Best Part But the best part of these weddings was the couples we got to know and the intimacy established between them and us. We knew their stories, often the high and some of the low moments.  These special… Read More »


Commandment #3 — Your marriage relationship is Yours Alone

Sand ceremony

Commandment #3 –Your marriage relationship is yours alone. Together. It’s no one else’s. Symbolism Contained in the Sand One of the reasons I still love the Sand Ceremony is its symbolism. It’s not only the meaning of the grains of sand representing all the experiences, events, lessons and breakthroughs you’ve had in your life. What also strikes me about the Sand Ceremony is the uniqueness of the pattern that’s created when the two colors of sand blend. I don’t know what other officiants say when they lead this ceremony, but I always emphasize how there’s no other combination like the… Read More »


Married Couple Commandment #1

Married couple Jason and Laura

Married Couple Commandment #1. You must keep dating.  By the time your wedding rolls around, you will have a pile of memories to build on. A good Officiant will draw from those memories you’ve shared and set them out as a gift to your guests for them to draw on.  Over time, this pool of memories gets used and worn.  You must keep replacing these memories by making new ones.  Make More Memories Dating gave you the way to make memories. Remember the date you went on that led to the first kiss? The first time you made love? The time you… Read More »


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