First off, officiants don’t bite. When you look for one of us to lead your ceremony you may feel intimidated. There’s no need for this however. None of us wish you any harm. Ever.
Even though you can never truly tell what someone is like if you don’t know them, on the whole we are kind and caring people.
Kudos to you for biting the bullet to find the right officiant for your ceremony!
Our mutual attraction
If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t get to be creative or ever enjoy being around someone like you.
And you wouldn’t be married.
So no biting. We need each other.
What does an Officiant do?
We stand with you as the commitment you’re making to each other comes front and center.
Some of us are religious in that stand, while others of us are happy to don a top hat, dress up like Spock or set aside our Klingon bat’leth to lead you as you exchange your vows.
We sign the document that lets you enroll in the other’s insurance plan, be legally responsible for each other’s debts, cook for the one home late from work, and snuggle together after helping the kids do their homework and then fall asleep.
We’re a mixed bag
We’re a mixed bag of people with varying degrees of knowledge of what makes a ceremony work. Hopefully any officiant you hire knows ho
w to make your ceremony progress smoothly so you’re the focus.
If not, you have my permission to snip at your officiant.
We don’t have to believe the same things to be to be true in order for you to open up to the power of the ceremony you participate in.
We are the person you probably don’t know well but who will share a time and place with you that is intimate, unforgettable and life-changing.
You must choose your officiant well.
Seminary or online officiant ordination
Some couples prefer having a seminary ordained minister officiate because the wedding minister promotes the spiritual component of the marriage.
Others think of the person who is marrying them as a Vendor. They’re only offering a product called their name on the dotted line.
Then there’s people who’re looking for an officiant like me. I don’t bite. I’m open-minded and not trying to further any kind of agenda other than I’d love for bridesmaids to carry kittens available for adoption instead of bouquets.
If that’s the case does their marrying you mean your marriage is less “official?”
A vendor supplies a product like the DJ brings 10,000 songs to play for the ceremony and reception, or a tuxedo rental company provides the men’s suits with shiny seam stripes. The florist supplies the bouquets. The planner gets you deals you might not have it you are trying to plan your dream wedding day on your own.
They’re all vendors.
I don’t think of myself of a vendor, and honestly, it’s tough not to be insulted when I feel like I’m treated like someone who’s providing a product. I feel I provide safety, creativity and presence.
Once upon a time I remained for the reception for two people I’d spent a lot of time with on the phone and by Skype. This helped us get to know each other better. As we sat down for dinner, I was directed to the “Vendor’s table.” The table was in the back of the large room, didn’t have table decorations, was missing pieces of silverware, and had folding chairs instead of covered seats.
Didn’t they know the Officiant wouldn’t bite? Or were they just disrespectful?
Before dinner was served I made my exit out of my own self-respect. Plus I was tired…
I’m proud of being a wedding officiant, and I also expect to be treated with respect. I expect some deference. While officiants don’t bite, I admit I’d like to take a bite or two if I’m treated like a vendor.
Want a checklist to help you hire the right officiant who doesn’t bite? Choosing Your Officiant is available to download.
The elephant in the room
For centuries, wedding ceremonies have been marked by piousness. So I understand why some people are so turned off by any religious reference. I’d be cautious too that aside from fearing the Officiant might bite, they might also judge.
Or be boring.
But that’s not the case with most Officiants.
Most of us want more than anything to deliver a ceremony that’s meaningful not only to the two of you, but everyone who’s there.
Want a checklist to help you hire the right officiant? Choosing Your Officiant is available to download.
Life Takes All Kinds of Desires
I want to be honest though. There are some officiants who are like vendors and some couples want nothing more than a very quick, uncomplicated sharing of I do’s. I call these officiants “Signers”. He or she will primarily show up a short time before your ceremony, say a few words that may or may not reflect knowledge of you, and direct you to “repeat your vows after me”. This approach can be sweet and simple, and it’s certainly a viable alternative. Signers are providing a product: a legally signed marriage license.
As long as you know Officiants don’t bite doing your search may be a bit easier.
Remember whomever you choose will help create the memories you’ll take with you into your happily ever after.
Whatever person you choose, choose wisely. And joyfully. May she be the one of the authors of great memories you can look back on as the years go by and say, “Honey, that really was a great day in our life. And our Officiant didn’t bite us once!”
Contact Us so we can look at how we can disspell any fears you may have about hiring an officiant! We’d love to chat or send the emails back and forth.
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