Creating a Spiritual Relationship

spiritual lawsWhen I first came across Paul Ferrini it was through a congregant who specialized in couple’s counseling and women’s issues. She assured me Ferrini’s reference to spiritual laws did NOT mean religious / theological expectations.

There’s a distinction between the two.

I’m pretty sure I went through the differences between spiritual and religious when we met to plan your ceremony. I can’t expect you to have hung on every word I said, so here it is again:

There’s an unseen, non-judgmental, unconditionally loving energy that is the glue of the Universe. It is the essence of all that is, and it brings us together or repels us based on our ability to give it room to move. Spirit. Religion is dogma or theologies based on rules of conduct, ethical guidelines and often, sadly, judgment.

Back to the Book

At the time, this book was called The Seven Spiritual Laws of Relationship. I haven’t looked all the way through this new titled book, but Creating A Spiritual Relationship looks fundamentally the same at first glance.  In any event, here are the seven spiritual laws:

  1. Make a realistic commitment to one another.spiritual laws
  2. Develop a shared experience that nurtures your relationship.
  3. Give each other space to grow and express as individuals.
  4. Communicate by listening without judgment and telling the truth in a non-blaming way.
  5. Understand how you mirror each other.
  6. Stop blaming your partner and take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and actions.
  7. Practice forgiveness together on an ongoing basis.

What’s remarkable about this book is it is NOT standard try hard, be faithful, never cheat kind of a book. Not that it’s pro-cheating, either. 

But he does talk about making a realistic assessment of yourself, so rather than living up to some religious or societal norm, you are living up to your own rules. 

You “just” have to make each other aware of those rules. When I read what follows in the book, I knew what he was trying to teach would be something very different, and probably, very helpful. 

Especially for the strong of heart.

“It doesn’t help you or anyone else to live a lie. So don’t pretend to be something you are not. Be truthful with yourself and your partner. If you make a mistake, say so. Commitments can always be renegotiated. It’s never too late to tell the truth. Sanity begins in a relationship only when both people learn to tell the truth…

“We need to keep our commitments when we can do so without betraying ourselves. When we can’t do this, we need to re-negotiate those commitments without betraying others. Our highest good is not necessarily at odds with the highest good of others. We can find a solution that honors everyone if we are willing to tell the truth about our needs and listen compassionately to the needs of others.” p. 37, The Seven Spiritual Laws, Paul Ferrini

400 Couples and Counting

Since 2005 I’ve done the wedding ceremony for approximately 400 couples. I know of maybe 10 who haven’t made it. My guess is there may be more. I don’t know. People move,, change email address and forget that they had the best officiant EVER officiate for them.

Hahahahaha. I kid. But in truth, I don’t know the status of a lot of the people I joined in marriage. Thank goodness for Facebook. I get to keep in touch with Allison and Pete, Amanda and Dan, Justin and Laura, Ken and Torre, Sarah and 

While many of you are happy and your relationship is strong, there are a number of you who aren’t. You’re barely hanging on what with kids and jobs and politics and family and on and on. 

The seven year itch seems to be fairly real. People have REALLY settled into 

There’s just no reason for you to suffer, put up with a faltering relationship and give up. Not when there’s so much help available, whether with books, marriage counseling, personal coaching, podcasts, masterminds, etc. all available. Even if you hit a rocky spot now and then but bounce back pretty well each time, 


If you feel some curiosity about the seven laws listed above, it could be a prompting from your spiritual Self. Your God. That energy that supports and guides you when you’re willing and able to listen. 

I encourage you to take a look at this book. Hook up with me again and we can set up some coaching/counseling sessions. Talk with someone who can give you a new perspective, be supportive AND objective. 

And do something fun. We take ourselves way too seriously. 

I know! I do it too. Here’s a little video of who helps me lighten up — my dog Reece. My animals are my dog-ma!

Be good to yourselves. Reach out, reach in, reach high. Much love to you,


Rev. Crystal
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