“Time is very slow for those who wait. Very fast for those who are scared. Very long for those who lament. Very short for those who celebrate. But for those who love, time is eternal.” William Shakespeare
Forced to wait to get married
Having to wait to get married would be difficult for me.
Nope, patience has never been one of my virtues. I’m sure affirming this fact has never helped me develop that quality.
When COVID-19 hit our world, and couples began postponing or rescheduling their ceremonies, I could hear the disappointment in their voices.
Some lost large sums of money to vendors who wouldn’t refund their money or give them an opportunity to change their plans.
Freaking out
Other officiants and wedding professionals began to freak out that so many couples WERE changing their minds and they had to scramble to accommodate new plans — if their couples even had new plans.
But in the beginning, middle and end, we all cause ourself suffering by what we tell ourself something means. When we challenge the meaning we’ve given something, we can change the outcome.
COVID-19 is demanding we change the meaning we give a lot of things in our life. We’re still in the midst of adapting, and will be for no one knows how long.
Yet I hope the reflections of the married couples featured here help engaged couples to take a breath, step back and reassign their disappointment (though sooo understandable) to the power of waiting. When their wedding day finally arrives, may their relationship be stronger, and they come together to truly make the world a better, safer, more just place.
Amanda and Dan
“Spending 5 1/2 years together before our wedding day meant that much more time to really get to know each other on a 
deeper level and to accept each other for faults and all (as well as how to trust and compromise and forgive). Building that foundation was so crucial for setting up a life together as a married couple.
“I wouldn’t trade the years we waited for anything. When I walked down the aisle on September 14th, 2014, I truly felt like I was marrying my best friend, a man who wholly loved and accepted me and with whom I had already been through so much. It was the most beautiful and emotional day of my life.”
Becky and Keith
“We’d been dating for about 3 years and neither one of us expressed an interest in getting married. Then one day I did want to and told him so. It took him 3 months to propose and about 9 months for the actual wedding. We picked a date but it had no real significance—other than we were expecting family and friends to show up in Fairbanks Alaska to attend. My Dad knew that anyone could officiate in Alaska so he really wanted to marry us.
“The extra time was needed to prepare for everything and get everyone together. And yes to save money. Plus we moved to another city (Anchorage) in the interim which made logistics even more difficult. The date wasn’t important. What was important was having family there.”
Ken and Torre — 9 years and who was counting?
Ken and Torre’s wedding day
“I waited for Ken. There’s was no doubt in my mind he was the one for me. I wasn’t going anywhere. Your wedding day is definitely special, but it is one day in your journey together. It’s possible that people who were planning a wedding this year were likely consumed with planning in the past year. I want you to know that nothing has changed, you are still together, and that bond of togetherness is what marriage
Ken, Torre and son Kai
is about. Plan goals for AFTER your wedding day, talk about future dreams you have for your future together. I really feel this time is to slow down, reflect, and create.
“I think these couples will be amazed at how much more connected they can be with each other once their wedding day arrives. More deeply in love if they use this time wisely.”
Yep, the wait to get married can truly be worth it!
Jodi and Christina — 19 years before it was legal
“We’d been together for 19 years before we were even allowed to get married. When we first met it was hard to see the
Jodi & Christina in Arcadia
journey ahead. Kept having to adjust to circumstances, to each others quirks.
Even if we could’ve gotten married, our relationship might not have worked. It also took time for our families to get used to the idea of our being together, and then to getting married.
“I’m an optimist and I wanted to continue to focus on what was important between us, not on the license. It took a long time to get to know each other.
“Christine and I also didn’t have to face any of the pressures other couples do, that they’re supposed to get married, that we’d better get married because it was expected in any way. When gay marriage was allowed, we still didn’t rush to do it. Our hearts told us when the time was right, that the wait to get married would eventually be over.
“Even though we STILL had to keep adjusting to different demands, we truly did get married at the right time for. If we were facing holding our wedding now, we’d feel horrible if anyone got sick.
“We’d feel so guilty if someone we loved braved the scenarios of today and got sick because they came to our wedding. It’s so much better to stay safe and get married when it’s the right time.”
Mike and Julie — Their Wait to get married was 6 years
Mike and Julie in Northport
We met at an events and enjoyed playing music together. Once we saw each other we continued to notice each other and began dating. Our careers were important. But we were planning on retiring fairly soon. To give up all that goes with having a job for a long time wasn’t an option.
“Once we started dating, we were only able to see each other on weekends. Plus I had children that needed my attention so not getting married right away had several levels of ‘wait’ to it. Plus we lived several hours away from each other.
“Eventually commuting to be together really started getting old just around the time Mike could finally retire. Four and a half years after we met, ending the wait to get married felt pretty organic. Circumstances seemed to give way and we were able to gather friends and family around us and we got married. It was worth the wait.”
Brian waiting for Lara and her Dad on Higgins Lake
Brian and Lara got married THEIR way
“We were together 9 years before we got married We did things kind of backwards, really. We lived together, then bought a house and had a baby all before we got married. Both Lara and I had career priorities which we conveyed to each other early in our relationship. We really wanted to get financially situated and get things taken care of. But it was a long journey for us to build our relationship.
“Family was always a high priority and at the same time, we didn’t want the actual process of a wedding to get in the way of our doing the growing as individuals and as a couple. Eventually, we knew the time was right.
“Brooks (our baby) was born and things just fell together. But we’re glad we waited, that we did things OUR way and not because we were SUPPOSED to do things a certain way and THEN get married.”
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Erin and Daniel
“At my age, I never expected to find a love like I have for Daniel. We took time together before we got married. There are two kinds of sparks. There’s the one that goes off like a match and burns quickly. The other is the kind that needs time, and nurturing. But when the flame strikes, it’s eternal. Our love is eternal. It was worth waiting to know this for sure.”
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Tracy and Derek
“We were fairly young when we began dating. 16 and 18 years old. I definitely wanted to get married at 22 but Derek did not. We were living together and things were fine but looking back now I know what I really wanted was a wedding. I thought I needed to have the same last name and a ring in order for him to show me he was committed.
“We watched our friends get married and divorced. They weren’t looking at what it actually takes to be a husband or wife. I don’t think we realized that being a spouse takes on being a best friend, roommate, support system, and most importantly a COMMUNICATOR.
“It’s so hard to forego the party. But that day winds down eventually and then what do you do? You have to know how to be an excellent partner, which for us, had zero to do with a party.
“At the end of the day you only have one another. Your frat brothers or coworkers are NOT going to be there in the middle of the night when you are sick, but your spouse IS there. Sorority sisters and neighbors are not going to pick you up when you fall or have a horrible day at work, or lose your job, or lose a parent. THAT is what it takes to be in a marriage.
“I understand being sad and upset. But if you truly want to be married and be a spouse it should be easy to let go of the party portion, of the date, the year.”
Jess and Charles at their ceremony
Jess and Charlie
“I feel that having more time between an engagement and marriage gave us more time to think and discuss what the marriage was going to be for each of us. Those moments when we said to each other, “We’ll be married soon!” had time to sink in and drive our thoughts and plans as the wedding neared.
Charles, Jess and baby
“Which I think has helped us in the long run. And we had more time to fine tune the plans for the big day.”
Hopefully these stories bring some comfort and resolve to you so you can be extra patient until the time your wedding day finally arrives. I believe your efforts will be worth the wait.
We all hope in 2021 we’ll be safer and better able to make wedding plans. Contact us today by clicking this lengthy just for you, link.
Much love to you in all ways,
Photo by WrenPhotography.com
Rev. Crystal Yarlott
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