You and your fiancé have been planning your wedding day for a long time. When the reality of all that had to be done hit you, most likely you divided up the jobs between you and your most trusted friends and family members. Each of you took on making sure certain details would be taken care of. Maybe you are good at handling stress, and maybe you aren’t. It is what it is. But it can take the joy out of the moment. Having too much to do doesn’t HAVE to stress you out.
Part of the stress may be because of the feelings you have about the commitment you are making, and not sharing the responsibilities of planning can add to those feelings. Your emotions will probably run the gamut from panic (“Oh my God, what AM I doing?) to the kind of delight you felt on Christmas morning as a kid, to true pride and appreciation of the wonder of this person you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with.
Hopefully you will feel a deeper bond grow between you as you take on this project that gets bigger and bigger, called “our wedding”. This very special day is just the beginning of many projects you will undertake together. It will be different than the biking tour out west, or the baby shower for your niece. Your wedding will stay in your mind as one of the most visible of your team efforts EVER.
Preparing for your wedding will show you (again) how well you work together under pressure. Helping each other is one of the ways you uphold the promise to be together “for richer for poorer, for better or for worse.” Face it, you may be paying for this day for a long, long time. But accepting responsibility together, stress relief is actually increased.
Whatever tension you might be experiencing as your northern Michigan wedding day races towards you, there are ways to keep the lines of appreciation and communication open, and minimize the stress that is for the most part, inevitable.
1. You need to set in place, well BEFORE the magic date and hour arrive, a few easy and balancing techniques, and commit to taking the time to practice them together. It will be fun. Set that in place too — it has to be fun.
2. Once a week, preferably after the work week is done, reflect back on your week and take turns asking the following questions of each other: a. What was the worst thing that happened to you this week? b. What was the best thing that happened to you this week? c. What was your new idea that came to you this week? And lastly, d. What can I do to help you explore that idea, or make your dream come true?
3. Make sure you give each other the time to ask and answer all questions. Make it a point to ask the question, and then listen. Don’t question your partner, or disagree with what they are saying. Trust them to say what needs to be said. Listen. Observe. Love.
Simple Stress Busters
These simple ideas are great stress busters for any northern Michigan wedding couple who feels like they have too much to do. Gandhi said he had so much to do that day he had to meditate two hours instead of one. LIkewise, the time you take to invest in each other’s life will help you get through the stresses of the wedding. Showing interest in each other and taking note of what is important to each other continues to lay a great foundation of mutual respect and care. PLUS this exercise in curiosity can teach you a lot about your life’s partner, and over time, continue to open you up to the newness within each other. You will have a lifetime to discover new worlds within each other. There is no better place to start the discovery than when stress threatens to alienate you before the “W” Day. You will get far more done working together and cheering each other on.
So this fifth tip is, in order to manage the normal stresses of putting a wedding together on a beach in Traverse City, or the hills of Petoskey or Glen Arbor, put your love into action. Set up a schedule, which you make important enough that nothing can take you away from it. Treat the schedule like you would knowing you have to fill your car up with gas when it gets empty. It must be done if you want to get anywhere.
You are getting married because you bring out the best in each other, and it now your job to help one other remember what is good and right and true about your mate. Let your dreams keep growing and evolving under each other’s loving attention. Show an interest in what he or she is thinking. This kind of companionship will not only minimize stress as your wedding day approaches, but it is a habit that can help you your entire life together.
Try it for a month, that means four times in the next 30 days, and email me at crystal@Northern-MichiganWeddingOfficiants.com and tell me if it made a difference in your stress level, for better or for worse.