Walked Down the Aisle

When Lauren walked down the aisle at her wedding with 14 attendants, and 250 guests, her brother escorted her down her once in a lifetime entrance.

Although her father sat in the first row, he’d never been a big part of her life, nor a very positive force in her life.

 

Despite the “shoulds” she’d been subjected to and which you can read your own emphasis into, (“He’s your FATHER!  He should walk you down the aisle,”) Lauren decided to forego tradition. Instead she picked the person who’d been by her side, comforted and laughed with her, and stepped into the vacuum left by her dad’s schizophrenia, hence, absence from her life.

Honored another way

Although her Dad didn’t have the honor of walking her down the aisle, the fact that he was there, in the first row, was a statement that things had changed. His first-row seat was still a sign of respect. Even of forgiveness.

Her brother beamed with pride when he answered “I DO” to my question “who brings Lauren…”

Choosing her brother instead of her father to walk her down the aisle was a choice Lauren was glad she’d made.

What’s Behind the Tradition

Being walked down the aisle is symbolic of the first provider and protector accepting and giving way (not Away) to the new person who will protect her self-esteem and personhood in the next state of the bride’s life. For Lauren, that role was given to the man who earned the honor, not the one whose genes designated the right.

Homeless Dad

When Justin and Carol married, Justin’s Dad, whom he couldn’t rescue from homelessness, (he wouldn’t come off the streets) wore the new suit his son had bought for him and they walked up the aisle together. This gesture wasn’t customary but Justin wanted his father to know he was loved and respected just as he was. Justin’s gesture was untraditionally untraditional.

And awesome.

Through hell to tears of joy

Andrea’s parents were still married but they’d been through hell for 25 years. But 10 months ago her Dad had finally committed to AA, and been sober as well as in recovery. Andrea loved her father, despite all the turmoil his drinking had caused, and asked him to walk her down the aisle. Which he did. And he cried. She cried. Her betrothed cried. Guests cried. Tears of joy.

It was a cry fest of relief and appreciation.

New Responses

Ashley’s Dad walked her in and when asked who accompanied her as she and her husband-to-be made their mutual choice to marry each other, he answered, “her family and I.”

This is a more common response these days than “I Do.”

Fiercely Independent

Last but not least is Courtney. She’s a fiercely independent person, and it wasn’t a surprise to anyone that she chose to walk in on her own. Her parents were part of the processional, but she wanted to make the statement that she was her own person. Tradition, to a certain extent, (after all, she still wore a white wedding gown and carried a bouquet) would have stood in her way to making the statement of equality and self-reliance that was so important to her and her husband.

No less difficult, nor easy 

The point is that when it comes to your wedding day, there’s no right or wrong. Your marriage is not going to be more perfect and easy nor difficult because you follow tradition or you don’t.

God isn’t up in the clouds watching the wedding and saying, “Oh oh… Those two are doing it all wrong. I’ll have to send them to hell for this transgression.” No, no, no. God is love, not etiquette or tradition. I say, “do your thing … Love.”

If someone doesn’t understand

What IS important is that you understand for what’s right for you. If someone doesn’t understand and prefers you keep to tradition, you can always

1. thank them for their opinion
2. mention that it must be hard going against tradition for them
3. ignore them
4. be insulting
5. do it your way.

If you give in to pressures now to respect tradition and the should’s people will always have for you, you’re hooking up to someone else’s preferences that may or may not have work for them. We never know why people insist on tradition, or do we?

Who TO walk down the aisle with

What’s important is for you to figure out what matters most to you. Who do you feel most supported by? Who was there for you? Walk down the aisle with THAT person as your ceremony begins.

Recreating Tradition

We’re in a time of recreating tradition. Regardless of who does or doesn’t walk you down the aisle, hold on to the one who honors most who you are. You’re amazing to be taking the great risk of saying “I DO” in the face of not knowing what the future may bring. Walk in confident, ready and open to a wonderful mysterious future, letting go of the old and embracing your new normal.

For more information on how I’ll support you making your own choices, traditional or not, please fill out our Contact Us form. I’ll get back with you ASAP. 

To see photos of the happy couples I’ve led AFTER they’ve been walked down the aisle please visit the Facebook Page, Michigan Wedding Officiants, read my reviews on my newest wedding partner, TheKnot.com or my “traditional” partner, WeddingWire.com.

For a wonderful example of the kind of ceremony I can create through the Extraordinary Wedding Package, Kayla and Jordan shared their video which features the ceremony more than any other video of a wedding I’ve done has. 

You have something in mind when you ask me for a short and sweet ceremony

Often a couple will tell me in their first email they want a simple, short and sweet ceremony.

I used to make assumptions about what that meant. 

Short translated to about 5 minutes long and sweet meant romantic.

Short and sweet is relative 

But if the couple was from a Catholic background, short meant about 30 – 45 minutes because they’re used to long masses with kneeling and standing and singing and responsive readings, etc. A Catholic mass takes time to get through.

Likewise, a Pentecostal inquiry (which didn’t happen often) could also indicate a person expected the ceremony to last about 30-45 minutes if it was short.

Sweet meant a testimony they could relate to, or take joy in.

All that hallelujahing, testifying and dunking converts in the water took a long time and could be a real feel good event.

Then there’s the millennials. 15 minutes is a long time to them and so “short” is more like cutting that in half. But they know, not to be disrespectful, a wedding ceremony is not like a  mp3 download and so short is about 5 minutes.

No matter what your time frame, I explain to my inquiring couples that short is relative and sweet can be an adjective or a noun.

The quest to define

“So could you please explain to me what YOU mean by short and sweet?”

I point out the context of the background they came from, adding when people travel for hours to be part of their ceremony a short ceremony of 5 minutes can be a big disappointment.

Over too quickly – no thanks.

Too long, folks are fidgeting and wondering what the food will taste like. They may plan ahead what they’ll say to you when they congratulate you. Or how glad they are to be anywhere but home this weekend.

From my 29 years of experience perspective 

When you inquire about my officiant services, you’ll get the lowdown on the best “short and sweet ceremony please” scenario: 15-25 minutes (which includes entering and exiting) is the sweet side of not too long and not to “short.”

Which is the length of time my framework ceremony is constructed to last.

Now, does that mean I won’t do a 5-minute ceremony? I mean, come on, it has to last at least 7 minutes, the cosmic number for completion. 7 days to make a world (figuratively I say), the amount of time multiplied by itself to forgive someone.

That’s not much but under the wire enough time for me to share a few words about how wonderful it is that you found each other.

What the time will allow me to sneak in

I’ll sneak in my favorite affirmation that your love makes the world a better place.  

And for good measure I’ll recite my fav poem by the famous author, Anonymous, The Key to Love.”

You will repeat or share your vows, exchange rings, I can pray or not, and hold a moment of silent blessing if you will allow, and then I pronounce you married.

10 minutes. Not bad. A bit short but still, not bad. Your ceremony will be more than 5 minutes saying the same “as has always been said” thing that causes people’s eyes to gloss over and the day dreaming to begin.

May I convince you?

I’ll do my best to convince you that your short and sweet ceremony needs to include enough time for some guest inspiration, showing the value of your love story and appreciating the time and effort people have made to get to you at your chosen venue.

Your ceremony will be awesome!

AND best of all, your ceremony will be awesome. No matter how you define a short and sweet ceremony. Bre put her “short and sweet ceremony” results this way:  Crystal did such an amazing job as the officiant for our wedding and we could not thank her enough! She was very professional and made our ceremony extra special … full of ideas and was able to help us throughout the entire process by tailoring our vows to perfectly match our relationship. [Rev Crystal] spent time getting to know not only us but our close friends and family. We would highly recommend Crystal for future bride/grooms!

We can talk about what your definition of short and sweet is when you fill out our easy peazy Contact form. Or check us out on Facebook.

Whatever your definition is, now you know mine and together we’ll make sure you have the wedding ceremony fitting the awesome love you’re committing your forever to.

 

Namasté

Rev Crystal
Northern Michigan Wedding Officiant

 

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