Sometimes people ask me how and why I became a wedding officiant. So here’s the story, short and sweet.

Firstly, because I was a minister in a church, weddings were part of the job. But only part. So it started there. 

In the Pulpit

I’ve led five different churches in 23 years (three in Georgia, two in Michigan).

The cons of church life for me were: struggles with being a role model, dealing with the differences between religion and spirituality, navigating the waters stirred up by the many personalities that come through and leave the doors of a church, and trying to convince people donating to the church was a good idea and a responsibility.

Pros: I overcame my fear of talking in front of people, being a minister gave me a lot of freedom and a way to use my singing, speaking and writing talents and defining for myself who and what God is. Plus my churches all knew I would be bringing my dogs with me to work. 🙂

Family Issues

Three years after my father died, my mother, my best friend, began showing signs of dementia. Eventually she came to live with me while I still led Unity of Traverse City. When she needed more constant care, I decided to leave the ministry. A big upset at the church the previous year sealed the deal that I was ready to leave church business.

Caregiving full-time didn’t pay me a living wage. But I could still do weddings! Marrying couples is fun. I could do much of the work from home, a big plus. Year by year I built resources, got more experience, created relationships with venues, formed relationships with my clients. I love creating personalized ceremonies and delivering them for my couples no matter how short or how elaborate they may be. 

The bottom line is it’s really great to be an Officiant. Plus I’m good at joining folks in marriage and it’s much more fun doing things I feel good at! Life is too short not to have fun, don’t you think? While I’m in it for the fun, I’m also in it for the honor of being able to hold the sacred space of two people making a commitment.

So that’s the story of why I came to be a Wedding Officiant

So that’s why and how I became a wedding officiant. I’m committed to giving every couple a great experience on their wedding day. If you’re looking for an officiant, Contact Me so we can chat about what you’re looking for. Should I be fortunate and am your officiant, you’ll be able to tell that I love being part of your wedding day.

Contact me today for more information about how you can have a ceremony that shows your love makes the world a better place AND is fun AND meaningful — all at the same time!

Namaste!

Decisions, decisions. Weddings are full of decisions that you must make. Color themes. Who will read the readings? What budget item can I override? Do I really want to marry this person or should I change my mind??? Where can I send Uncle Joe to stay overnight with?

The Difference

Whether you make your decision based on inspiration or motivate can put you on an entirely different path quickly. There IS a difference between being motivated to make a decision and being inspired to go one way or the other. Being motivated comes via your head self-talk, that is in some degree of fear – if I don’t do this _____ (fill in the blank) this ____ will or won’t happen.” Or who hasn’t thought, “Everyone else is doing this (like buying fidget spinners). I better do it too.” Motivation is based on outer experiences and they are subject to quick changes and shifting winds of opinion. Motivation is not as secure a place to move through life from because it’s so changeable.

On the other hand, Inspiration is about being led and being opened up to a perspective from within that has no urgency or agenda. Instead, there is a positive knowingness that accompanies the idea or action. That doesn’t mean inspiration doesn’t come with a moderate amount of inner chatter, but inspiration feels different.

Example:  When I placed my mother in assisted living, I was scared and felt guilty. But undergirding those feelings was a knowing that placing her was the best thing I could do for both of us. She’d have people around her all the time, and she’d be safe. I could become her daughter instead of her caregiver.

A God Thing?

Inspiration is often associated with a God thing. I think of God as Love, an energy, a presence, but not a big bearded guy on a big throne in the sky. This Michaelangeloean character is portrayed as talking in your ear or sending a messenger (reminds me of a dirty joke I used to tell). But it does mean trusting you have within you a connection to a larger stream of Intelligence and Power. Spiritual. Not so much religious.

This installment of the newsletter will be about being inspired in our decision-making process.  When you are in a relationship as intense and rewarding as a marriage, making decisions together is a key element of working together toward your common goals and maintaining harmony. Using your intuition is the way to make decisions from an inner orientation. “Being led” is about that gut feeling, the subtle voice we hear within us and so often, if you are like me, ignore. Personally I’d like inspiration to be more bull-horn loud and obvious!

But learning to listen and respond to this voice of inspiration’s powerful. Let me know what you think or feel about this. I love hearing from you!

What Assumption of Ordination am I Referring To???

Sometimes I wonder if I think conducting a wedding is more important than it is. Haven’t we all been so close to something and we make assumptions of its importance when it doesn’t mean much at all? Ordination certainly fits into that category these days given rock stars and TV celebrities are doing weddings for fans and family more often than not.

When I talk with new brides or grooms, there’s times I get the feeling the ceremony that makes their relationship legal and official is no big deal to them. This especially comes across when they say they have a friend who is a public speaker and she or he has decided to get ordained so they can conduct the wedding ceremony.

A Couple’s Assumption

There’s an assumption that the chosen friend or family member is comfortable fitting into the role of being an officiant. And knows what he or she is doing. Like it or not, a role is being played when anyone, including me, takes on the responsibility of being an officiant. I’m expected (as much by myself as anyone) to know what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, and be able to do it well.

My Assumption

I make this assumption: Given the fact that a person has to be ordained rather than simply licensed to officiate carries a spiritual tone to it. And my assumption includes whether the participants acknowledge this concept or not. I’m not talking about being religious, with dogma and history and followers attached to a practice. I’m talking about being aware of the unseen forces that have brought a couple together to learn and grow within the relationship. And their growth is being projected into the forever future. Yep, until death do them part.

Not Only Important but Legal

I mean, think about it. The officiant is the person proclaiming the marriage not only important and meaningful, but legal. Anything you or I truly value means we’ll tend to it carefully and consistently, we’ll take care of it. That can bring a lot of joy. Something legal can mean a whole lot of trouble if it goes wrong, and give rights and protections when it goes well.

So being an officiant is more than being a public speaker. Being an officiant means being a gate keeper, a person who conducts a right of passage for two people who say they’re ready to go from one level of their relationship to another.

Being an officiant means being a gate keeper, a person who conducts a right of passage for two people who say they’re ready to go from one level of their relationship to another.

A Reluctant Officiant

Recently a person I had officiated for came to me and told me he’d gotten ordained because his soon-to-be sister-in-law assumed he’d be great at leading a wedding ceremony because he spoke to the public as part of his job. He’d agreed to and got his ordination certificate online.

Soon afterwards he began to feel uncomfortable with the responsibility and asked me if I would conduct the ceremony. He talked about public speaking for him was not the same as leading a wedding ceremony. I offered to coach him and help him gain more confidence. But in his case, he really wanted to be a guest rather than a leader. He preferred to help in other areas. (I saw him leave to run errands a couple of times before and after the ceremony). Public speaking was about his work life. By his decision, I could now officiate for a very creative, new couple. I was also able to help out this very good natured, and kind person.

Commitment

My commitment is to help every couple have a memorable, meaningful, fabulous wedding ceremony. My couples have been wonderful and have many great things to say about their experience with the ceremony and heart-felt delivery I provide. I can’t do every ceremony. Nor am I the right person to officiate for everyone who’s interested in my services.

But I’m very good at what I do. I love being an officiant. I enjoy being a part of the important commitment two people make to one another. They’ve looked for years to find this person they’ll say “For better or for worse” to.

A Little Prodding

An unprepared, though good intentioned officiant may feel “for worse” thinking about the responsibility. Sometimes all someone needs to lead a better wedding ceremony the first time is a little coaching. Perhaps just a little prodding in the right direction. Some knowledge can help them do the great job he or she truly wants to do.

My assumption of ordination is the couple gets to choose the right person to lead their ceremony. But their public speaking newly ordained friend needs more knowledge. He or she wants the confidence to step into the role given to them.

From Basic to Brilliant

I can help — a LOT. Accordingly, I am about to launch a new branch of Northern Michigan Wedding Officiants. Introducing Friend and Family Officiants: How to Take Your Wedding Ceremony from Basic to Brilliant.

EVERY couple deserves to have a great experience at their wedding. I can help by leading their ceremony or by coaching the person they think will be right for them. I’ll be leading a 3-hour class at Northern Michigan College on September 26. Contact me and I’ll be glad to send you information.

As a couple you have every right to make choices. Whatever your assumption about ordination is, I want to help it be one of confidence, competence and brilliance. Contact me and we can discuss how.