Every morning I go through the same ritual. I write what I appreciate, evidence of what’s going well, 5 things I need to do that day, and how I want to show up (energetic, loving, smart, prosperous, etc). Then I write out what I want my life to look like, kinda like my personal screen play.
In addition, since my mother passed on in December of 2017, I choose a card from The Soul’s Journey Lesson Cards by James Van Praagh (JVP). JVP communicates with those who have passed on. I like to think because James is tuned into spirits, Mom in her current spirit body helps me draw that day’s card.
These Soul Cards, unlike Tarot or Green Man, etc., convey quite a positive message, no matter how negative it may at first appear.
1, 2, 3 Times Better Pay Attention
Well, you know when something happens once and it passes in and out of your radar without much import? Twice your ears perk up a tad? But 3 times you know something is trying to get your attention?
Yes? This morning when I picked my JVP card, for the third time IN A ROW, it was the dull red card, Regret.
Pay attention Ms Crys.
The Regret card is partially explained: “Focusing on the past and letting it dictate the direction of your future is taking your power away from yourself. You are the creator. You hold the power. Reflect on the lessons of the past and use your current power to create your bright future.”
I never thought of myself as being particularly regretful. What could the reason be that I drew this card out of 43 others every morning for the past three days?
Loving Someone Dearly and Incompletely
What first came to me is my mom had Alzheimer’s. No walk in the park for sure. She challenged my ability to love her. I got upset, short-tempered, intolerant. But I came to realize the lack of love I felt so many times was not about her, but more about my not loving myself. I hated being so impatient with her incessant repetitions and mood swings. I’d blame my upset with her on the disease, on time, on medical science for not coming up with a cure. I blamed it on mom not taking better care of herself. And truthfully, I also blamed myself because I wasn’t stronger, more able to handle the roller coaster ride that comes with loving someone with Alzheimer’s.
Biggest regret is that I didn’t spend more time with her just loving her.
Truth be told, there’s never enough time when we’re out of it.
Yesterday Takes a Toll on Our Future
Regret has been unconsciously sucking the life out of me. It was impacting my today and that meant it could really take a toll on my future.
How about you? Any regrets?
All Things Work Together for Good — Really?
Thankfully regret has a gift to give. It’s that judging anyone, self or others, is seeing the small picture as made up of put black or white images, and feels either good or bad. The larger picture is there’s a present contained within regret.
For example, I made the judgment that I didn’t spend more time with Mom, and that was bad. Black and white: you either love all the time or you don’t. No grey areas such as I did the best I could to spend time with her, AND love her.
Paul said in Romans, “…Know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”* Sometimes it just takes time for things to work themselves out.
Any decision, shortcoming, lack of any kind, can work together for good if we let it. Maybe they aren’t as bad as we think they are. They may show us how to reframe a perception into a “wait and see” or force us to look for the bright side of an issue. Regrets feel bad and feeling bad is no fun AT ALL. Why would I / we continue to settle for feeling bad about the past. What good comes from it?
All We Have is this Hokey Overused Statement
Regrets will sweep the life out of us if we spend much time in that negative and draining space for long. Perhaps this sounds really hokey/ trite/ overused, but it’s still true: All we have is right now. Our now is creating our future.
Now is the moment we can recreate a revitalized relationship with someone we love. Whether they’re here on the planet with us or not. That re-creation comes from reframing judgment with the opportunity to know all things are working together for good.
New Commitments
My commitment is to stop the energy of regret ASAP. Instead I choose to feel grateful for every minute we DID spent together. I’m taking the ache of missing her and letting it become sincere appreciation that she trusted me enough to become as vulnerable and dependent on me as she did. And that I was able to handle watching her die, hold her hand hours on end and give her hundreds of kisses and I love you’s before she made her transition.
No regrets. Just moving forward. Creating a new tomorrow based on appreciation for what’s come before. I hope you’ll do the same.
And hey, we’ll see what tomorrow’s card may be. I’ll let you know!
Lots of love,
Rev. Crystal
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