Wedding Ceremony Checklist Prep Steps

Most of you have a wedding day checklist. I’ve seen your fat folders and bulging spiral notebooks. Planning the day, Your Day, is the first thing on any bride-to-be’s mind after saying, “I Do!” First Congrats! Second, don’t panic.

 

There’s a lot of pressure to get this right. And surely you know someone (who will remain nameless) that over planned, frazzled up, and lost their cool on the big day.

 

There is nothing wrong with having a plan. In fact, a well tailor plan can free your mind to concentrate on the things that are truly important. Having a beautiful day isn’t just about the dress, the flowers, or the venue. It’s about the care you take behind the scenes that will make a memorable day for YOU.

 

So, let’s look at the Wedding Ceremony Checklist you can start using today as a benchmark for your ceremony. I’ve been gathering examples of vows, readings and special ceremonies as a wedding officiant for over three decades…there’s so much to choose from it’s a relief (or so I’m told) to have a broad selection. There’s enough but not too much. As one of my couples, you have access to this “easy for you” resource.

Time to get type A about the things that matter so you can be breezy about the things that don’t.

 

1. What matters most to YOU as a COUPLE?

If everything is special, then nothing is special. Dedicate real time to making a SHORT list of what you really want included and put that in your wedding ceremony checklist. If there are very few requests, you need to do some serious self-reflection. The “short and sweet” “list is equally unhelpful.

Make a realistic, meaningful list, and be absolutely non-judgmental about your preferences. Oh, and you do NOT have to include what your parents think you should want, please.

Hot take: The number one thing on this list should be your vows. If you miss on this, what’s going to come to mind in the future when you wonder what they heck you were thinking when you agreed to marry each other!

Refer back to this wedding ceremony checklist when you feel yourself getting lost in the details. Ask yourself, “Am I using my energy on something that really matters to us?” If the answer is no…make it easy, or let it go. You’ll be happy you did.

 

2. Plan lots and lots of  Zen Time

When planning your day it will feel realistic to schedule things back to back. You may say you want a short and sweet ceremony because you want to get to the party. Then you’ll want to dd to the time allotted for your ceremony a few hours for pictures, couples dance, cut the cake, cue the sparklers. So efficient.

Nope, nope, nope.

Do yourself a favor and purposefully put in Open/Zen Time between scheduled events…and lots of it.

Should we work together, your ceremony will have in it what the master officiant, Chris Shelley taught me, A Moment of Zen. This brief period of time during your ceremony will help you get present to each other so your ceremony isn’t a blur. I encourage you to have Zen moments throughout your wedding day. 

Insert the Zen into your wedding day plans. Make sure this is part of your wedding ceremony checklist. This will counteract panic time, lost tie time, grandma went to the wrong church time, friends all want our time, time. This will also allow for quiet moments with loved ones, one extra picture, and peacefully holding hands.

 

3. Make a “Day Of” Bag and “Emergency” Bag

Even the best laid plans are subjected to the natural law of “what the hell just actually happened”. So when a curveball comes…and it will…be prepared with the essentials.

Day Of Bag: Rings, vows (if you’re not repeating your vows after me), extra shoes, marriage license (envelopes, postage on said envelopes), extra copies of the schedule, tips for vendors (in individual envelopes), wedding contact list.

Emergency Bag: Pain reliever, nail polish, stain remover, deodorant, tissues, tampons, lint roller, needle and thread, safety pins, extra make-up, bobby pins, mints, snack, water bottle. Nylons and an extra bra too!

Repeat after me: “I Do” put these items on my wedding ceremony checklist.

 

4. Make someone else the point person for the day

This is sooo important and must be on your wedding ceremony checklist. By making someone else the point person for the actual day, your plan has officially come full circle. Couples should only be worrying about each other and not pesky details (also another great reason for the Zen moments). That’s what a wedding planner and friends, aunts and uncles are for! Pass over the contact list and the schedule so you are free to enjoy the day.

Certainly have someone else be the contact point to make sure the flowers for the ceremony are in place, attendants know when to enter and how to exit (even if you’ve had a rehearsal), the microphones work, and who will make sure your signed marriage license goes into a safe place after the ceremony is over.

I promise if you dedicate your time to making the few things that matter most a priority, your wedding day will be unforgettable, in the right way. And if beautifully crafted ceremony by an experienced officiant is on your “What Matters Most” list, click below to set up a consultation. 

And while you’re at it, download our “How To Choose Your Officiant” checklist!

Contact Me for a Chat / Consultation

Take care and know I’m truly happy for you!

 

Write the Wedding Ceremony Playbook that’s about you

As a creative and a wedding officiant I let my couples know they don’t have to write a wedding ceremony for themselves. That’s my job.

I enjoy the challenge of putting words together to form a picture and a feeling. Plus I love to find things out about my couple and incorporate them into what I call my Framework Ceremony. It’s the bones of the ceremony I always use.

There are officiants who create a new ceremony every single time. But over the more than 30 years I’ve been involved in leading wedding ceremonies, I’ve chosen the best wording and sentiments to convey the power of their commitment and love. And this distilling of years of content is what’s in the bones or “framework” of my ceremony.

Whether I’m officiating for a full-fledged traditional, unique or elopement ceremony, there are a few common elements that speak to the moment of all of them that my couples will hear.

Contributing to the ceremony playbook

There are definitely things you can and should bring to the table to help me write a wedding ceremony for you. Such as:

1. What you value such as community, family, generosity, trust, human rights, having people’s best interests in mind, etc.
2. Whether you’re religious or not and what’s important about your preference. Ceremonies are traditionally a religious rite but that’s no longer true.
3. A favorite story or two about being together that does NOT have to do with how you met or how the proposal took place. My belief is everyone at your ceremony probably knows those stories already, so why repeat them?
4. Something poetic or creative that illustrates what loving each other means to you.
5. What your comfort level is in standing in front of people .
6. Your vows.
7. How you prefer to be introduced as a married couple.

What you choose is what makes up your ceremony playbook. BUT there’s another playbook and that’s the way you move through your ceremony.

How you move through your ceremony

Even modern couples still accept that there’s a procedure and shoulds that may get in the way of truly expressing who they are.

Here’s what I mean:  Close your eyes and imagine getting married. There’s a procession of groomsmen and bridesmaids, followed by little ones throwing flowers and another person, usually Dad, walking the bride up the aisle to the groom who’s waiting with the minister.

It’s a timeless playbook. It has the impressive mark of tradition.

An obsolete playbook?

But often this tradition is enacted without considering  where that tradition came from and so an outdated, even insulting (to many) tradition gets re-enacted. An obsolete playbook sets the tone and runs its course.

To be clear,  here’s where that tradition came from and you tell me if this is okay for your ceremony playbook:  The father walking down the aisle may feel super special. But it’s a playbook that’s rooted in arranged marriages where the father gives the possession of his daughter or female charge to the next possessor, the groom. In fact, the father’s looming presence was a good way to prevent the groom from backing out.

Political and transactional

In its earliest form, marriage was a business/political transaction and involved a dowry. A dowry is kind of a “here’s your reward for taking over this responsibility, hope you have lots of babies to run the farm and pay your taxes” gift.

Next, the traditional playbook would have the father respond when asked by the officiant, “Who gives this woman to this man?” Even though today women are not property, and the bride price/dowry isn’t exchanged, the father is primed to say, “I do.” Never mind Mom. She’s a woman after all.

Suggested changes to promote our day and time

I’m for the break-up this playbook and setting the power of ritual on a new course. So in this instance, I have a few changes to the process of how to write a ceremony and to significantly change from “that was good then, but this is now,” playbook.

When I’ve welcomed (for sake of ease of conversation because LGBTQ couples still enact this tradition) the father and the bride, instead of asking, “Who gives this woman to this man?” I say, “Who brings this woman to this man in their mutual desire to be married?”

Prior to the ceremony I’ve asked the escort/Dad to consider answering, “The family and I,” “Her mother and I,” as well as “I do.”

I should mention as well that  Dad does NOT have to be chosen as the bride’s escort. For a more detailed look at this issue check out my post, Who “Should” Walk a Bride Down the Aisle?

But there are other ways to reinvent this coming together. Ritual is good in that it helps instill the idea that this couple is entering into a new chapter of their individual lives.

From Aisle to Circle

Consider beginning the ceremony with the parents of both members of the couple in a circle (or with the attendants) and the couple enters together. They then stand in the middle of the circle for the welcome.

A statement can be made:  “Let’s welcome this couple into the ritual of marriage.” This can also be made into a question, such as “Do we all agree to begin the ritual / fun / ceremony of marriage?” 

Humor is a plus too so consider using irreverent or light-hearted language — IF it’s cleared first with your couple.

There are other ways to reinvent the beginning of the ceremony, but the important thing, whether your entrance remains traditional or is innovative, when you or I write your wedding ceremony, include  consideration of what your ceremony playbook is, rather than just falling in line without considering meaning.

We’re in the age of reinvention. Things are being changed in almost every area of our lives. Change can be for good. Within all change, I know your love makes the world a better place. This tradition will never change.

Namaste my wonderful about-to-be-married couples! Contact me to find out how I can help you write your own unique wedding ceremony playbook. We’ll have a wonderful time, I am sure of it!